Happiest Time of the Year

So, today, was Black Friday. Probably the biggest shopping day of the year. I've never been to the sales at midnight or three a.m., but I've always imagined that there are a montage of people that are running around crazy. Women, grabbing onto things and not letting go, just like you see in the movies, and according to the people that have gone that I have talked to, it isn't far from the truth. People wanting to grab the best deals that they can, so that they can get a jump on their Christmas shopping. Others just to get the thrill of waking up early in the morning so that they can watch these people. And if I ever got the chance to see this, I would take a steaming hot cup of tea, and I would definitely go then.

My time to go shopping on this kind of day, is around five or six in the evening. Don't get me wrong I would love that early morning, but somehow I've always found myself going around that time (That, and that would be the only time I could get a ride). There are still hundreds of people in the stores, all looking left and right for what they want. Some just walking around like me, with really nothing to buy, but ending up with a few things in hand before they leave. Not that I have had any money to ever buy anything, but I take interest in walking around and looking at these people.

Have you ever looked around during Christmas season at people shopping? Honestly? No one looks really happy. Everyone is upset about something. The cashiers and the help around the store look harassed. And every single item is packed up to the ceiling to the top in order to make sure that everyone can get everything that they need. And on an important marketing day such as Black Friday. Being out of a certain item can mean loss of profit for the store. While shopping at best buy, I came across three men running up to one of the helpers around the store asking them for a new "Kinect" for the xbox system. Don't get me wrong, that thing looks seriously cool. And when they had the demo for it at the mall of America, I was first in line to be dancing without a controller. But, the looks on the helper's faces when they said they didn't have anymore, it was almost a grim weary kind of face.

They call it the Happiest time of the Year, the season of giving and happiness. But honestly, when looking around at all of the people. I don't see anything but angry faces, and a bunch of credit card being swiped through to the other side. Christmas is turning into a Holiday that Hallmark made up. It may be second to Valentines Day (which, don't get me wrong, I am totally for an excuse for a man to give a woman flowers and an extra reason to spend a day with someone you love very much) but, people shouldn't be all about the gift giving. It reminds me of the movie "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" with Jim Carrey, and every who in whosville was buy so many presidents that they just lost the meaning behind what they were giving.

Maybe we need a Grinch to steal our presents, so we can really appreciate the things that are more important in life. Like family, love, health, and once we're not all focused on the items we take treasure in, happiness.

Things I wish I could have told myself

I was lying in bed this morning, grasping onto the dream I had been having, when a new thought crossed my mind. What would my 14 year old self say just before I went into High School, seeing the person that I am now? And, if I could see her...What would I say?

I think I'd tell her that after my first homecoming, when I cried myself to sleep for the next two weeks....It wouldn't worth it anymore. Her second and third homecoming would make her nights much more magical.

And I think I'd tell her that even when she wanted to throw herself down stairs and often prayed at night not to be there anymore, she'd be okay. That her best friend in the world would save her life, and that the person she thought cared about her the most hurt her the most.

I also think I'd tell her that when her family got to be the toughest, there would be someone there to calm her down while she put ice on her bruises, and that It would get better with time. And she wouldn't have to fear family dinners nearly as much as she used to!

And saying something like that, makes me laugh, because I know she wouldn't believe me on the family dinners part. I still don't believe me when I say that myself.

She might ask me what had happened since then, and maybe I would tell her things, maybe I'd tell her she'd find a boy, that loved her more than anything, that she would worry about, but he would worry about her too, that she would fall in love with that boy and that they'd argue about stupid things all the time (Yes, all the time) but in the end, he'd still whisper, 'I love you' into her ear, or on the phone, or even reading it with eyes through a text message. And those words every single time would make your heart melt. Or if you were actually angry, it would make the anger rub away. Not that he'd ever know that. (Unless he actually ever gets around to reading my blog...which would make me laugh, because he probably won't. Unless he does, he does have a knack for surprising me)

She'd ask why I drove myself so hard to become to musician I am, and I think I'd say, "Don't you just love that feeling of playing something and knowing how great you are at it?" It'd make our heart melt, and together we'd both fear my conductor as I told her horror stories, preparing her with the shell she'd someday have not to give him a peace of her mind.

But I think lastly, I would tell her that at the moments where the world just feels like it's going to end. It doesn't, and it shouldn't. Because she's beautiful, even if she sometimes to this day still won't believe it. Because she can be such a strong an independent young person, she'll end up okay.

That I could promise her.

My Dream

So, the other night, I had what I felt to be as the most scary dream I've had in a long time. Though when you read about it, it won't sound scary. It won't even sound like something that would even remotely be worthy to lift a finger over. But imagine this happening to you. For the sake of the story, This first person story will be told in a 3rd person fashion.

So strange, she thought to herself as she looked at her cousin about to be getting married. Just a few months ago, Her cousin had been screaming on their walk that she would never have a man, or a big wedding, because it would be conforming to the world that she was a girl that kind of thing. But there her cousin was, looking so happy in her big dress. Every family member rushing around the old house, past the large wooden staircase. Running to give a hug to someone they hadn't seen in a while, running to get last minute things ready. She  didn't even know the guy her cousin was marrying. Not that she saw her cousin all that often, but her still would have liked to see this guy.

"Hey, can you go grab some flowers from outside? I think that it may brighten up the place." Someone shouted at her. She blinked out of her thought process for a moment, then nodded happily, and running out the door, she did a cartwheel, feeling the warm sunshine on her legs, not caring that she was wearing a dress. Not that it mattered. No one was outside anyway.

Bending down, looking at all the flowers she smiled, and began to pick a few, looking at a particularly pretty purple one she walked over when all of the sudden a voice came from behind her, "Hello there."

She lifted her head up with a start, and turned around to see whom it was. It was her ex-boyfriend who she hadn't said a word to in over a year. What was he doing here? Why was he smiling? Why was she by herself at the moment? The guy had been an abusive guy, and he might try and hurt her. She took a step back, holding the flowers a little bit tighter.

"What? No hello back? I thought I meant more to you than that!" He chuckled and pulled out something from his pocket, she flinched.

"What are you doing here?" She managed to get out, heart pounding with the fear, she longed for someone to come back outside and tell her to come in, so she could run away. Anything to get away, so she wouldn't have to talk with him.

"I wanted you back." He said simply, "So, I came here to tell you, we have so much history together that we shall be tied together forever, People That fit together as puzzle pieces as we do, we can't stay apart."

Anger bubbled up inside of her, "I've moved on you know. I know you know I have someone else."

He smiled, "But he doesn't matter."

"But he does matter. He'll always matter. I love him." Her voice raised up in pitch as she began to yell, "I never loved you. I never will love you. And you'll never hurt me again!" Tears were pouring out of her eyes, and she dropped the flowers to the ground to cover her face to not show her tears and frustration in the situation. She wanted to be the bigger person.

She felt a hand grab her arm, "You keep telling yourself that."

And the dream ends. I wake up. Heart pounding through my chest wanting to scream out. And look at my alarm going to to signal that another school day is about to start.

Turning on my phone, I see the message light go blue, and with a panicked heart, I open it to find a message from someone else. It was all just a dream.